We are always surrounded by friends. Sometimes in school, followed by college and then at workplaces. Happiness in life is established on one of the major factors like friendship and bonding with people. Girls often look up to girls for support and assurance.
What serves as the foundation of this everlasting friendship is a collection of unsaid rules or in other words “Girl Code”. But before we get into the nitty-gritty of the Girl Code, we first need to know what exactly is a girl code.
Girl Code Definition
Girl Code is a collection of rules or ethics which two friends who are girls are expected to follow. There aren’t any authentic books to verify what is to be done and what should be forbidden. But over time, the roots of friendship grow deeper into trust on the accounts of these unsaid norms. It lays down the rules of Dos and Don’ts for a girl and her best friend. These rules can build a friendship or break one on grounds of unfulfilled promises.
We can easily pen down the most common dos and don’ts in a friendship to help you build a stronger bond with your best friends.
The Dos and Don’ts of Girl Code
Do: Always seek an explanation if a certain behavior of your friend bothers you. Do not assume anything on your own. Confront them in an affable manner and ask them what is the matter. You may not know their side of the story. So hear them first.
Don’t: Never try to underestimate your friend or her achievements. She deserves support and affection from you. You must celebrate their joy like your own. It is through shared joy that you both will be able to strengthen your bond
Do: Comfort your friend when she is going through a bad phase in her life, for example, a traumatizing breakup. She needs you to hear her and always be there for her. A bad relationship breakup can impact her greatly. She needs your understanding and help. Be her shoulder to cry on.
Don’t: Do not contact or maintain any connection with your friend’s ex. She deserves your loyalty. Do not be involved in any kind of relationship, formal or personal, with the person who broke your friend’s heart. They do not deserve your friendship if they are ill-treated your friend. Always establish the fact, that no matter what, you stand by her, and as long as you are around you won’t let anybody play with her emotions.
Do: Always support your friend through thick and thin. Be her confidant when she is entering into a new relationship. Support her if the person seems right for her. Do not let her be with someone with who she’ll regret spending time later.
Don’t: But that doesn’t imply you barge into her personal life on the grounds of concern and care. You have to respect her space and let her choose what is right for her. You can only help her and be there for her. But you have to take care that you let her face her share of experiences and hurdles in life.
Do: You have to be careful that you don’t be extremely possessive about your friend. Always remember that she has a life outside the friendship and the connection between you two. You have to be comfortable with her making new friends. You should too meet and communicate with new people outside this connection. Friendship is an involuntary response of the heart. You cannot control it. It flows at its own will. Do not try to direct its path. If the connection is genuine, it is bound to stay the same irrespective of the new people coming her way.
Don’t: Do not ever try to dictate whom she should me or converse with. This only ruins your friendship with her. Give her space and avoid encroaching ever another moment.
Do: Now you should also talk to your friend about your insecurities as well as comfort zones. She needs to know you better as a person so confident to hear all about your beautiful memories and sad moments. Build a safe place for each other. Space where both of you will be able to vent without judgments none whatsoever.
Don’t: Make sure your friend is in the right frame of mind to entertain a long conversation. Always ask her before you initiate a deep conversation. Permission is important. Do not violate her peace or space unless she’s comfortable. Respect healthy boundaries in friendship. Remember do not take it for granted that they owe you all their space and time if you guys are close.
Do: Always be honest around them. Whether they are asking about their attire or qualities and traits. Always give an honest opinion. They are counting on you to give them genuine feedback. Be sincere and do not fake compliments to not hurt them initially. This is because you will offend them more by being insincere.
Don’t: Do not be critical and over-opinionated. They need you to talk about the progress and drawbacks. Do not criticise their efforts. Constructive criticism is expected, not insensible remarks.
Do: friendly bankers always lead to making fun of each other in circles or groups. It is always advisable do not to cross the boundary. There is a thin line between jovial and offending. Make sure you don’t mix between the two.
Don’t: Do not engage in a conversation that brings down your friend, if in a circle you are supposed to have her back. Even when she isn’t around, do not talk about her flaws to anybody. You are not supposed to discuss things behind her back. If you feel she needs to be rectified all to her directly. Do not encourage anybody to bad :mouth your friend. Speak up for her even in her absence. Respect is shown, do not just leave it till words. and expressions.
Do: You should try being the wingmate for your best friend. This is an interesting fact of the girl code and is an exciting job indeed. Stick to this one and you shall earn some brownie points from your best friend.
Don’t: Avoid pursuing a person for your best friend if he isn’t interested in her. Observe the spark and land into the mission accordingly. If you are convincing the particular stranger for your friend, make sure you flatter her a bit. You need to showcase her as the most suitable catch for the man. You should speak highly of her in a dignified and confident tone. But remember to be simple and genuine with your words. You should come across as effortless yet in power. This will grab the attention of the stranger towards your friend. Do not overdo your part or you will come across as phony and fake. This will in turn spoil her chances of meeting a new person. She might end up getting disappointed with you.
Girl Code About Dating
Now we have to keep in mind that a major part of the girl code concerns the dating spectrum. It says that you are not supposed to ever date your best friend’s ex. According to the girl code, it is unethical and morally wrong to do so.
Unless your friend has agreed to you seeing her ex, you are supposed to abandon that thought. Maybe there can be chances that it was a mutual separation and no hard feelings persisted. In that case, make sure you have spoken about the growing bond between her ex and you, to your friend.
It should be a clear and honest conversation dealing with reality. Be rational and genuine in your approach. If she is comfortable with this growing connection, you are free to move ahead.
If she isn’t then respect her feelings and withdraw from the situation as early as possible.
Experts like Ellen Scott think that if you spot your best friend’s boyfriend cheating on her, it is your responsibility to let them know. It might shatter her heart but you have to stay strong. Do not choose momentary satisfaction over long-lasting happiness.
Do not tread on the paths of ultimate betrayal, you have to have her back and not hide truths that need to be acknowledged. You should abstain from engaging with her toxic partner just because he is nice to you. Value your friendship over momentary butterflies. Superior is your bond with your friend which has been established on grounds of trust, respect, and faith.
You are always expected to check on your friend if she is out there on her first date. Help her get ready for the occasion. Choose the best outfit and help her in grooming. If you aren’t around, call her to make sure she’s doing fine.
She may be nervous about the first impression and the event unrolling before her, you should calm her down and assure her that it is normal to feel this way and that everything will be fine. You should also let her know that no matter what you will be around, she doesn’t need to worry about being perfect. Tell her to be herself and she’ll be fine.
While she is spending her evening with a complete new stranger, text her once or twice to see how things are going. She’ll appreciate your doting nature and if worst comes to worst she can call you to help her escort out of the messy and awkward situation.
Help her out when she is in a tricky situation with a guy. Needless to say, step in and escort her out of his clutches. What are true friends for if you cannot count on them!
You Can Count On Me Like 1,2,3…
Yes! So you remember the legendary lyrics, isn’t it? Make sure you follow it up with the lines ” I’ll be there” and show it in action to your girl best friend.
A couple of references may help you out from Central Perk and Monica’s apartment. Of course, that is the kind of support you show to your friend as Monica helped Rachel out when she was alone. And needless to say, it is not written in some fat giant book of orders and codes, but instead, it is inscribed in your heart. Follow your heart and you’ll cherish a beautiful bond.
Sometimes things turn ugly after a breakup. Stay there for her. Give her the space and comfort she needs. Do not abandon her for long. This is the time she will feel lonely and alone. You have supported her and show her that she’s not.
Remember, never ditch your friend for anyone else, especially if she feels vulnerable and sad. She will be fragile and will assume that she is not worthy of your friendship and time.
Under such circumstances, she will cocoon up, do not let her withdraw. This will impact her mental health and she will be shattered adversely. All she needs right now is your understanding and self-love.
When You’re In A Fix!
Let me explain to you the trickiest situation ever. Imagine you have to choose between your two friends. Maybe both of them are justified and have valid grounds to argue about. Question is, in that case, whom will you choose if the situation arises.
This is the most complicated situation ever, and the irony is there is no right way to deal with it. Whatever you choose whoever you support, will be counted as both right and wrong.
Do you think there is no solution in the manuscript of girl code for that? Well, we can surely get it fixed with rationality, patience and understanding. That is what the girl code is all about.
Let me elaborate for you a little. Facing such a situation is very common. You just need to think clearly about what you feel is right irrespective of your friendship.
If you think your best friend is making a mistake, do not let your weakness for her cloud your better judgments. Instead, tell her what she needs to know. Exercise patience and immense understanding, give her the time to organize her thoughts.
You are supposed to be her guidance when she is not able to distinguish between right and wrong. You cannot blindly support her just because you guys are friends.
Some Tips To Have A Healthy Friendship As A Part Of Your Girl Code
These are a few handy tips for you to follow under the sections of Girl Code and its unsaid rules! Let’s go! Shall we?
1. If you are going to a party or any place with your friend, do not abandon her on the way back home. Ask her if she needs a lift while going back or simply make it a habit to leave the place together always.
2. Tell your friend about any wardrobe malfunction that you noticed. Help her get it fixed. Do not let her get embarrassed in front of the crowd.
3. Do not be annoyed if you have got a chatty friend and she likes to talk. You may not be an extrovert but that shouldn’t impact your friendship. Remember, you can always be a good listener and that is indeed a valuable engagement in the conversation.
Contribute your thoughts and opinion here and there. But do not stop her midway while she’s engrossed in telling you something. If you feel you are not being able to focus or pay attention, excuse yourself politely.
4. Some people are passionate about capturing the moments. Engage in their fun moments and don’t be a spoilsport. It is possible that your friend likes to take photographs but you don’t. Be polite and click a couple of them as it won’t hurt you to make her feel good.
If she wants to be enthusiastic to take her pictures too. Respect each other’s choices and ways of celebrating.
5. Always boost her confidence. Make sweet gestures. Get her flowers once in a while. Let her know that you appreciate her presence. Cheer her up when she feels bad. Tell her she is never alone as you will always support her. Boost her morale and talk to her to make her feel comforted. Hear patiently and tell her it will pass.
6. Always keep her secrets safe with you. Do not share it with anybody even if they are your parents or someone close to you like your siblings. Be her confidant and secure her secrets like they are your own. If she trusted you with her secrets, respect her faith in you and do not play with it casually.
7. If your friend has got herself drunk or sick in a gathering, you must not let her go on her way. Follow her around and take her home safely. If you can’t go along with her, call someone up who is a trusted person and ask them to take her home. Inform her parents if you think it’s crucial.
8. If you think your best friend is hanging around with the questionable company, goodwill wisher, you are expected to warn her. Tell her what you think about their intentions. Let her know that you are suspicious and having second thoughts about this choice. Do not act possessive and barge in. Instead, be patient and calmly explain your concern.
9. Reassure them constantly that you are only trying to help her out. You will be there even through tough times and high waves. You may not notice but sometimes assurance and comfort when you are least expecting it, goes a long way in strengthening your bond. If you think you need her, tell her that as well.
If you need to talk then seek her and unload your stress. She may be busy and has not noticed your worries lately. But do not hold it against her in that case.
Understand that friendship is an outcome of mutual affection. Just like how you adore your friend, she loves you too. There is no space for misunderstanding and miscommunication. Sometimes lack of proper communication can also cause a rift between two people. Do not let that happen in your case.
10. Venting is good for both of you. It will give you clear headspace to resolve the matter. Let her share her troubles and sadness with you. When the time comes you do the same. Friendship is about exchanging roles every day. Maintain the dynamic balance in it to establish a happy equilibrium.
11. Remember that siblings, ex, or close relatives of your friend are off the chart unless you have permission. Do not complicate things for her and your benefit. Keep in mind they are off-limits. Do not let a romantic relationship come in between your friendship.
No matter how serious things are getting, always choose your friendship over temporary sparks. There is a reason why we say,” sisters before misters”, and rightly said indeed.
12. Do not ever, not even in your dreams, think about slut-shaming your friend. She doesn’t need a companion who degrades her worth and sees her as an object of critical remarks. Respect her individualism. She is a person of choice and different likings. Just because it doesn’t match yours, you do not have the right to question her actions.
The same goes for body shaming, if she is your friend, she is your pal irrespective of the kind of figure she possesses. Get that straight into your head. If you can’t adjust to her innate behavior and appearance, steer clear of the friendship but do not dare to judge her. Give compliments like free candies.
13. Make healthy decisions together. Start to practice a healthy lifestyle and abandon junk together. You two can plan exercising and working out together so that the progress is monitored and neither of you quit. Take charges and tell each other to complete assignments and homework. Prepare for exams together. Organize group study sessions and make some serious effort. Remember to grow together. It is a much rapid process when done collectively.
14. Never let your friend degrade herself in front of you. So next time she says that she is flabby, baggy or squishy, give her the warmest squishy hug and tell her to never utter such a thing again.
15. Do not speak ill of someone you don’t know. This will set a wrong impression of yours in her eyes. Be a woman of dignity and respect.
16. Flatter each other on social media. If she puts up a picture, flood her comment section with praises and remarks. These small gestures come across as warm and cute. Little fuzzy jokes and social media flattery will strengthen your bond in a fun way. Tag her in funny memes and joke posts.
This will tell her that you have been thinking about her when she isn’t around. This will widen the sphere of friendship and not keep it restricted just to school or college meetups in class.
Worst Case Scenario
What if the Girl Code is broken? Say under worst-case scenarios you went out with her ex or worse you are dating her sibling without her knowledge of the incident.
There can be worse but we’ll stick to the solution rather than the problems. All the broken promises have one common solution.
Admit! Apologize! Explain! Wait!
Those are the four things you need to do, nothing less nothing more.
First, admit your mistake. Do not try to cover up. Be honest and admit the flaws committed. If she is your friend she’ll show the patience to hear you out.
Second, make genuine apologies and mean it. Mean every bit of it when you say the words. She will catch it if you are saying it for the sake of it. So don’t worsen the situation anymore. If you are not in the mindset to apologise, do not do it. It might start a heated argument or a fight and end up with a rift.
So it is best advised that you also give yourself the time and patience to realize that what you have done was not the right thing to do.
Third, come up with the explanation chapter. Once she has accepted your apology and is ready to hear you out, take the time to explain. Tell her honestly what you have been thinking about the respective scenario. Tell her if genuine feelings are engaged. She will understand and support you if your cause is real.
Now finally all you can do is to wait for her reactions and come back. If she feels you have honestly apologized then she is bound to come around. Wait for that and do not be pushy. You might spoil the efforts by being hasty. Give her the time and space to rationalise.
Friendship is the fragile yet strongest bond of all time. Friends can turn into sisters or strangers depending upon how you conduct yourself. Be careful and be happy. You’ll make some great memories with your girlfriends!