Funny Bible Verses And Quotes

Funny Bible Verses And Quotes
Funny Bible Verses And Quotes

The Bible teaches you life’s toughest lessons with humor. Here are some funny bible verses and quotes.

Life is a tough journey. Most of us face various challenges along the way but what we should never lose is a sense of humor.

Some Bible verses may sound weird and funny while others emphasize on enjoying your life.

This collection of funny bible verses will tickle your funny bone and make you admire the bible even more!

Funny Bible Verses & Quotes

“And there was a young man named Eutychus sitting on the window sill, sinking into a deep sleep; and as Paul kept on talking, he was overcome by sleep and fell down from the third floor and was picked up dead.” – Acts 20:9-10

“Would that those who are upsetting you might also castrate themselves!” – Galatians 5:12

“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.” – 2 Kings 2:23-24

 “Then the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah up onto the dry land.” – Jonah 2:10

“Your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn ewes, which have come up from their washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost her young.” – Song of Solomon 4:2

“Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.”   John 21:25

 “A feast is made for laughter, wine makes life merry, and money is the answer for everything.” – Ecclesiastes 10:19

“He said to Jacob, “Let me gulp down some of that red stuff; I’m starving.” – Genesis 25:30

“These people are not drunk, as you suppose, for it is only nine o’clock in the morning.” – Acts 2:15

“Refresh me with apples, sustain me with raisin cakes, For I am lovesick.” – Songs 2:4

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” – Proverbs 21:9

“Worst of all wounds is that of the heart, worst of all evils is that of a woman.” – Sirach 25:12

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” – Proverbs 21:19

 “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.”  Proverbs 11:22

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”   Proverbs 27:15

“Very well,” he replied, “I allow you cow’s dung in place of human excrement; bake your bread on that.” – Ezekiel 4:12-15

“And he said to me, “Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the people of Israel.” So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat.

Then he said to me, “Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.” So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.”   Ezekiel 3:1–3 

“Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.” – Psalms 137:9

“When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: 12 Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.” – Deuteronomy 25:11

“For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.” – Ecclesiastes 1:18

“You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.” – Ezekiel 16:17

“No one whose testicles have been crushed or whose penis has been cut off may be admitted into the community of the LORD.”  Deuteronomy 23:2

“Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.” – 1. Ezekiel 23:19

“Now it came about after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, ‘Behold, Milcah also has borne children to your brother Nahor: Uz his firstborn and Buz his brother.”  Genesis 22:20-21

“When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat it with his staff. Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.”   Numbers 22:27–29

“And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman.” – Numbers 12:1

“Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.”  Proverbs 27:15-16

“Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” – Ezekiel 23:19-20

“As Paul spoke on and on, a young man named Eutychus, sitting on the windowsill, became very drowsy. Finally, he fell sound asleep and dropped three stories to his death below.”  Acts 20:9

“Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts” – Proverbs 31:6

“Where Jesus is so angry at a fig tree being out of season, he curses it to death.” – Mathew 21

“If two men fight together, and the wife of one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of the one attacking him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the genitals, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.” – Deuteronomy 25:11-12

“And you shall eat it as a barley cake, baking it in their sight on human dung.” – Ezekiel 4:12

“But the Rabshakeh said, “Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the men sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and drink their own urine?” – Isaiah 36:12

“You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement.” – Deuteronomy 23:12-13

 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.   Deuteronomy 23:1

 “And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.” – Judges 3:21-22

“But Jael, Heber’s wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.”   Judges 4:21

“I will bring distress on mankind, so that they shall walk like the blind, because they have sinned against the Lord; their blood shall be poured out like dust, and their flesh like dung.” – Zephaniah 1:17

“And there was a great famine in Samaria, as they besieged it, until a donkey’s head was sold for eighty shekels of silver, and the fourth part of a kab of dove’s dung for five shekels of silver.” – 2 Kings 6:25

Circumcision has value if you observe the law, but if you break the law, you have become as though you had not been circumcised.  Romans 2:25

One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.  – Romans 14:2

“On the day the Lord gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the Lord in the presence of Israel: ‘Sun, stand still over Gibeon, and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.’ So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies, as it is written in the Book of Jashar.”  Joshua 10:12-14

“Speak, Thus declares the Lord: ‘The dead bodies of men shall fall like dung upon the open field, like sheaves after the reaper, and none shall gather them.’” – Jeremiah 9:22

“And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you.” – Deuteronomy 23:13-14

“When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: 12 Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.” – Deuteronomy 25:11

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. (Ooo…sorry, ladies. Shouldn’t have worn those jeans you abominations!) – Deuteronomy 22:5

Deuteronomy 22:28 “If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife.”   Deuteronomy 22:28

“When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.” – Deut. 25:11

“Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof.” – 11. Genesis 19:8

“One day the older daughter said to the younger, ‘Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.’” –  Genesis 19: 31-32

“Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you.” – 10. Deut. 28:53

“A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.” – 8. Mark 14:51

“Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.” – 7. Genesis 38:9

“[There is] nothing better for a man, [than] that he should eat and drink, and [that] he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it [was] from the hand of God.” – Ecclesiastes 2:24

“A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” – Proverbs 15:13

“Then I commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry: for that shall abide with him of his labour the days of his life, which God giveth him under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 8:15

 “Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these [things] God will bring thee into judgment.” – Ecclesiastes 11:9

What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none;  1 Corinthians 7:29

“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31

“And there ye shall eat before the LORD your God, and ye shall rejoice in all that ye put your hand unto, ye and your households, wherein the LORD thy God hath blessed thee.” – Deuteronomy 12:7

“Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.” – Psalms 149:3

“And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill [it]; and let us eat, and be merry:” – Luke 15:23-24

“A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22

“And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart”. – 2 Samuel 6:16

“Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.” – 1 Timothy 5:23

“And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in the streets thereof.” – Zechariah 8:5.

“And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.” – Exodus 32:6

“See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand!” – Galatians 6:11

“He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.” – Proverbs 27:14

“He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.” – Proverbs 27:14

I took the little scroll from the angel’s hand and ate it. It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach turned sour. – Revelations 10:10

“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” – Proverbs 26:11

“Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner…” – Deuteronomy 14:21

“The lookout reported, “He has reached them, but he isn’t coming back either. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi–he drives like a madman.” – 2 Kings 9:20

“Let those among you who are without sin be the first to throw the stone. The crowd looked at Jesus, believing he had a good point. Then Jesus picked up a stone” – Unknown

“Let there be sound. There was sound. Let there be light. There was light. Let there be drums. There was drums. Let there be guitar. There was guitar. Oh, Let there be rock.” – Unknown

“God said unto John, “Come forth and recieve eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.” – Unknown

“In the beginning, there was nothing. And then god created light, because he was afraid of the dark.” – Unknown

“And thou shall keep this last commandment close, that thou shalt not create more bible verse.” – Unknown

“Eat this cracker, for it is my body. Drink this wine, for it is my blood. Eat this cheeto, for it is spray painted styrofoam” – Unknown

I hope you enjoyed this article.

You can also read more bible verses on friendship

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About the Author: Naomi Hills

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